I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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