so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
