hotel room ftw
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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