i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wish my penis had a tongue
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
