I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
