I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
