Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
