Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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