i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize