Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
