I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
