I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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