We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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