maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
