If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
