I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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