It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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