I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She even gives head with a lisp.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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