I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
