she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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