Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize