Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
