if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
