You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
