I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
