Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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