You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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