i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize