Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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