i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
