from now on my penis is your penis
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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