Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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