the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
