hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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