Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
