I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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