If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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