I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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