Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
