Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
