these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
