Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
