Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I don't deserve a penis
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
