belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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