If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
