YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
