i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
