my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
