I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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