Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
