If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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