How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
