May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
