He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
