He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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