I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
