i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
