your thong is hanging out like whoa
honey bunches of taint.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I just sharted jello shots
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
