Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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