he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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