God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can't turn off my feet"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
