So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
