she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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