just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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