can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
