then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize