ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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