Banned from zoo.
Again?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
