You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
