His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
