Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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