It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
