I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
