So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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