He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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