did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
